Monday, February 24, 2020

Babu

Babu, aija, chito aija!
Little One, come at the run
But on this day he pays her no heed,
Her slender, dutiful son.  


Thirty-five now and fully a man
The frail youngest son she nursed
Became a pillar of strength for her
Until this day, accursed


Of gods and men.  She imagined for him
a sweet young bride, her grandchildren
To care for her, to care for him,
The dream still starkly real, yet in


The corner of her rooms, he lies
As if in sleep. She seeks the rise 
And fall of his chest, in vain, in vain
which never will rise again.


On the shoulders of bearers he rises now,
His final journey begun
Scarves all aflutter, his face like flint,
Her handsomest, bravest son. 


Feet first through the door, down the slippery path
Where the monsoon rivulets run
Between the pea vines and passionfruit tree
To the funeral pyre, her son!


From behind, the arms of women
Hold her up, draw her in beside
The ranks of those who weather this pain,
But not she!  Breaking free with a ragged cry -- 


Babu, Aija! Babu! Babu!  
Our story is far from done!
We’ve much to do yet, you and I,
My Babu, my beautiful son. 

Writing on

I am still here, still on the other side of the world, where some days I feel I am hanging on with fingernails, dangling heavily towards my homeland.  But here our family is planted, here my husband has his work, and here we stay, at God's pleasure, until he relents.  Here is where his mercy meets me for now, and I would not be elsewhere.  I have been waiting, still, for the words to march in line.  I am reminded by good writers to "keep butt in chair" and write, and so I have tried, with varying levels of success.  This season I'm working out vignette poems, because I find I need to dignify so many individual details before I can begin to make sense of all the days of these years.  I can't find that long thread that reaches across and pulls the hole closed, but I am writing on, laboring at ravelling together the ends I find in my hands, in my brain, each day.